A few months before my accident I was able to go to Liberty Jail. It was such an emotional experience being in the same place Joseph was when he felt some of the same things I do right now. His pain must have been so much greater, after all the good he had done to then be made a prisoner while all of the saints, his family & friends, were being tortured, raped, & murdered. But, even he, a worthy Prophet of God, was so hurt & pained he cried out with total despair, "Oh, God, where art Thou?...How long shall thy hand be stayed?" A painful feeling that has tagged onto my heart these past few days.
There is a song from the musical, 'Prophet' about Joseph's life that has been a huge comfort for me since highschool. I listened to it for the first time in a while today, & it again poured in a peace that I have long been without. I am not perfect- not even close. Sometimes I feel grateful for this accident. Sometimes I cry for hours wishing I had my old life back. Sometimes I feel so sad & alone & other times I feel God crying right along with me. I don't have all the answers, & I still am devastated over all that has occured. But, for this moment I am comforted & I suppose that's how anyone get's through trials in life--moment by moment. And that it why I love the Lord's response to Joseph's prayer; "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment...and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."
"Though thine afflictions seem at times too great to bear, I know thine every thought & every care. And though the very jaws of Hell gape after thee...I am with thee. Know my child, My kindness shall not depart from thee."
And with that message, I have a few hours of comfort.